Living With No Regrets

I contemplated blogging about this, because honestly it's something that I'm still struggling with, but then I thought "maybe, if I blog about what I'm currently dealing with, maybe it will help someone else in the future." So I'm going to give this my best shot.
First, I am a Christian, I know Jesus and I have a personal relationship with him.
However, that being said, I've never been good at witnessing.
I try to lead by example, but I'm still a sinner and I know I fall short time and time again.

My brother began dating a sweet girl in 2002. She was sweet, humble, kind, patient and beautiful. It wasn't long before she was going on family outings and spending the holidays with us. They dated for a good length of time, on and off, but she was always around and I guess part of me thought that she would always be around. I didn't think about how critical it would be to witness to her, because in my mind...there was always tomorrow.
She was killed in a car accident this past Saturday.
I will never know if she was saved.
While she was in a relationship with my brother she would call, come by, or email and we would talk and talk and I had no problem dishing out advice about their relationship, or other issues that were going on in her life.
We spent many moments together were I look back now and think "it would have been so easy to have witnessed then..." or "I should have said that when...". But I didn't.

As a Christian I believe in heaven and hell. I believe that while you may be one outstanding citizen here on earth, if you do not confess that you are a sinner and ask God for forgiveness, if you do not put your faith in Jesus, you will go to hell. That sounds so harsh and cruel...and maybe that is why I have a hard time talking about it. However, on the other hand, I also know how forgiving our Lord is and that all he really wants is for us to spend eternal life with him, in heaven.
Now why couldn't I have said all of this to Lexi when I had the chance? I don't know...all I know is I will carry this burden and regret for as long as I live. Now, I'm not saying I "know" she went to hell, I don't, I really don't know what was in her heart (because I never brought it up...) but because I don't know for sure, I'll always wonder and I'll hurt for her because of the unknown.

It is SOOOOO hard for our human minds to wrap around the thought of "eternity". We can not imagine what "eternity" REALLY means.

eter·ni·ty noun \i-ˈtər-nə-tē\
plural eter·ni·ties
Definition of ETERNITY
1
: the quality or state of being eternal
2
: infinite time
3
plural : age 3b
4
: the state after death : immortality
5
: a seemingly endless or immeasurable time


It seems that even Webster can not REALLY define what ETERNITY means.
It's just hard for us to grasp.

In the past three days I have cried, I have gotten really angry at God, I have questioned, I have sought advice, but above all I have struggled with regret...and let me tell you, it is NOT a good feeling.

I've decided that this will have to be a lesson, a hard lesson, but a lesson. I have vowed to work harder at speaking up about my beliefs. I'm scared...crazy, I know. However, I know that regardless of being scared of what others may think of me...having regrets is much scarier!
Someone can call me crazy for my beliefs and while that will sting...feeling like I let someone down in eternity hurts a LOT worse.
I will carry a scar on my heart for Lexi, and this may sound plain crazy, but I hope God uses this scar as a reminder, time and time again, that I should NEVER miss the opportunity to share his Word....because....you REALLY never know, when it will be too late.

He Had Good Intentions...

I adore him.

Severyn.

Seriously, I do. With every fiber in me, I simply adore him.

When it comes dinner time, Sev has basically been fending for himself this week (please see post below for reasoning).

However, on Monday I ran across this recipe. I LOVE my aunt Jackies meatloaf, therefore this recipe brought back memories and before I knew it, my mouth was watering.

I emailed the link to Sev.

On Tuesday I was sitting at work when I received a text that read "What is a broiler pan?"

Huh? ...thinking, thinking, thinking...OH!! He must be attempting the meatloaf!!!

I text back a brief description of a broiler pan and tell him where he can locate one in our kitchen.

Later on that day I receive another text, "Can I use wheat instead of white bread?"

Uhm..."Sure hun".

Bless him.

Later, another text "how about skim milk instead of whole??"

Sigh...."that would be fine hun".

and later "What is DRY MUSTARD??!!"

....oh good grief "just leave it out babe, don't worry about the mustard!"

.

.

.

..."hey, do you know where they keep the bacon at publix? I can't find it"

.

.

.

..."you didn't respond so I didn't get bacon"

I walked in the door after work and Severyn meets me with a smile.

"Hey babe! I made the meatloaf you wanted!! I was still confused about the broiler pan thing, and the ingredients wouldn't fit in a bread pan...so I improvised...oh and you never texted back about the bacon, so I left that out...but it smells good!"

He retrieves the "meatloaf" from the oven.

He had substituted the broiler pan for a cookie sheet and tinfoil.

I dubbed this creation "Meatpile"



He was right, it smelled good...

but...well....

Sev served up the meat...
We sat down at the kitchen table and Sev was beaming.
"I cooked dinner honey! Aren't you proud!"
I smiled back "Yep, but uhm...what are we having with this meatloaf babe?"
"Huh??"
I suggested "potatoes?"
"uhm, no"
I tried again "green beans!?"
"uhhhhh...nope."
I thought I would humor myself at this point "how about a can of peas!?"



We had meatloaf for dinner on Wednesday night. We had meatloaf with a side of meatloaf.

Busy, Busy, Busy

Sometimes, I'm really good at biting off way more than I can chew.

I constantly toss around the idea of getting my masters. It's something I've always wanted, but it's something I also have a hard time justifying (maybe one day I'll blog about why this is hard for me to justify-if it isn't already obvious!). However, while tossing around the idea, I decided that regardless...I needed to get more experience and volunteer more. I love to learn and I yearn to make a difference in this world. So, after much research, I decided...why not become a guardian ad litem?! It's a step in the direction of helping others! So I started the application process, I filled out and filed the proper paperwork, I called, faxed, and visited the different locations and counties in need of volunteers. Finally, I decided to volunteer with the Lexington county CASA/GAL program.

Last night started the first night of volunteer class. The class is from 6pm-9pm and it's 45min away from my house. This has me going to work at 7:30am, working 8am-5pm, driving to class, class from 6-9pm and returning home just before 10pm. I. am. exhausted...and it's day one! This is on top of cakes I'm working on, cleaning my house, keeping Sevy fed, and general every day chores. I need more hours in the day!!

The class lasts for three weeks, and I know it will soon be over, but man...I have to admit the thought "what did I get myself into" crossed my mind last night. Then I sat through the first hour of class and realized just how sad our world really is, how unfair life is, how cruel people can be and I decided that even if I have to walk around like a zombie for the next three weeks...it will be worth it if I can make a positive difference in the life of our future generations.


I'll keep you posted!

It's a Boy!!

Davis Paul Lundgren was born at 8:37 central time, last night.

He weighed in at 7lbs 11oz.

Both momma and baby were doing fine when Don called to let us know our nephew was born, we could hear Jessie in the background and she sounded happy and tired =)

We are very excited!

Sev and I will meet baby Davis on Thanksgiving day...we can hardly wait!

We love you Davis!!

September 13th

28 years ago, Severyn Robert greeted the world with his sweet grin, smiling eyes, and goofy personality. Happy Birthday sweet Sevy! We are celebrating his birthday tonight, with dinner at his favorite restaurant. He wanted a bicycle for his birthday, so I got him one last week. He took his new bike out for a spin on Saturday, where we rode 28 miles with his dad, my parents and our good friends Neal and Tammy. Sunday we celebrated his birthday with his family, where we enjoyed a wonderful, homemade, cheesecake (his mom let him pick his birthday dessert). So as you can see, I think he's had a pretty nice birthday weekend thus far! and to top it off....

Today, 28 years later, Severyn and I will soon welcome our new niece or nephew into the world!
My sister-in-law is in labor as I write, she was admitted into the hospital yesterday morning and has been updating us with texts on a regular basis. Severyn is beyond excited that he may share his birthday with his niece or nephew. I just can't wait to meet the little squirt. Soon "baby bambino" will have a name! We love you already baby bambino and we can't wait to meet you!!

And it was Good

I just polished off a chicken salad sandwich.

It's only 11:30am, my lunch is usually around 12:30pm, but I could not wait another minute.

Why?
Oh I will tell you.

It was no ordinary chicken salad sandwich, oh no.
This chicken salad sandwich was made by....

and it was good....it was so gooood.

I was at Bi-Lo last week, preparing for our big labor day weekend ride, when there it was...an entire refrigerated shelf full of Duke's sandwich salads! Oh yes. They had chicken, tuna, egg, and pimento! I tried to refrain from taking my arm and swiping the entire contents on the shelf into my buggy, it took some self control, but I left one container on the shelf.

I could barely stand the wait, the minute I walked in the house I made a bee line for the silverware drawer and peeled open a container of chicken salad. It was just as I suspected, perfection. I packed the cooler we were to take with us to durhamtown and secretly smiled to myself, I was going to be the envy of all! Everyone was going to want to be my lunch buddy...I had duke's!

After riding all morning Saturday, we returned to our cabin for lunch. I got my bread, paper towel, knife and went to get my Duke's, I couldn't wait to see the jealous faces!

Jonathan took one look at the container I was guarding holding and said "yeah man, Steph gets that stuff all of the time, it's so good!"

WHAT!?

Apparently Bi-Lo has carried Duke's brand for some time now....Where have I been?? If you haven't enjoyed a Duke's salad sandwich before, try one, and if you have been living under a rock like I have, check your local Bi-Lo....you can thank me later.

What do you think?

Does it say "FALL"??

If I get a Starbucks gift card, I'm likely to use it on my favorite Starbucks beverage, pumpkin spice latte. If I drink a pumpkin spice latte I start to have dreams about leaves, scarves, boots and jackets. If I start to have dreams about leaves, scarves, boots and jackets I start to feel festive and if I start to feel festive, I might just have to paint my finger nails to match. If I paint my finger nails to match fall, it might lead me to paint my finger nails a brownish/copper color. If I paint my finger nails a brownish/copper color, I might decide that I should take a picture. If I take a picture, I might decide to post the picture on my blog and if I post the picture on my blog....I might look at the picture and think "oh my gosh, those are my MOTHERS HANDS!!"

It's starting to happen...I'm turning into my mother, only my mothers child would write a post to the beat of "if you give a mouse a cookie!".

It's almost fall!! I can feel it in the air, and even though it is 97 degrees today, I wore a crocheted, short sleeve, top to work today. Do you know who LOVES crocheted tops? My MOTHER!!

I can't believe another season is just about upon us! I'm still trying to savor the long summer nights, but I know, it's inevitable...fall will be here before we know it, just like I'll always be my mothers child.

**Edit to say: I have a wonderful mother =) So I can't complain, it just amazes me how I can see her in myself more and more...**

2 Pictures

From this past weekend....sorry, but I never once took my camera out of the bag. I just couldn't find the energy it took to find the camera bag, retrieve the camera bag, open the camera bag and then use the camera....but here is our group:

and take a closer look at those faces!!!

Labor Day Weekend Recap

I hurt.
Every. Single. Muscle in my body HURTS!
Walking up stairs...can't do it.
Picking things up off the floor, can't bend to grab it.
and even though not one person would care to know this little fact,
just using the bathroom takes some form of gymnastic maneuver!
(picture: hands firmly grasping toilet seat, arms extend then slowly bend to allow body into the seated position)



We spent Labor Day weekend in GA for a three day dirt bike ride extravaganza!
I had Thursday and Friday off last week. I spent Thursday cleaning the house and packing for the weekend.
Thursday morning 6 roses were delivered to our house. One rose for each year Sev and I have been married.
Thursday night Sev surprised me with dinner at the melting pot, one of my favorite places to eat.
Friday morning I went grocery shopping for our weekend trip and packed last minute items. By 2pm Sev and I were on the road.
We pulled into Durhamtown park around 4:30 and unloaded our gear.
By 6pm everyone had arrived and not long after we had our camp fire blazing, steaks grilling and excitement building.
We tried to go to bed early but between the hard-as-a-rock mattress and the excitement, I don't think any of us slept soundly.
We were all up bright and early Saturday morning.
We enjoyed a big breakfast and then scattered about the cabin, pulling on gear, filling up camel backs and dusting off helmets.
We were on the trails by 9:30am.
We did not get off of the trails until around 12pm and that was for a quick lunch and then we were back out again.
We raced down roads, climbed hills, zipped through the trees, splashed through the mud and breathed in more dirt than I thought possible!
We pulled back up to our cabin when the trails were closed and no more riding was allowed. We scarfed down a big dinner of pork chops and bratwursts and fell asleep....more soundly than the night before.
Sunday morning I woke up, feeling like a train had run me over the night before. I was hurting.
I stumbled down the stairs and looked at all of the other eager faces...ready to ride....they were ruthless! By 9am we were back out on the trails. With every jump, bump, rock, and root...my body screamed. I finally began to feel back in the groove and was getting back into the swing of things when it hit me....or better yet, I hit it.

A tree.

A tree smack dab in the middle of the trail.

I never saw it coming.

I was following closely behind one of the guys and he had turned up a bunch of dust. It was hard to see and I was trying to hang on and just follow the leader when we hit a dip in the trail. I was focusing on landing the jump when the air cleared long enough for me to see the tree. There was not enough time to turn or even bail...I slammed, smack dab into the middle of the tree. The bike stopped. I went air born. My helmet kissed the tree, I slid down the tree found myself straddling the front fender of my bike and as if in slow motion the bike and I toppled over and I watched a few stars form in front of my eyes.
I was fine, the tree was fine, the bike was fine and after a minute or two I was back on the trails....I was just a tad more aware of the trees and tried to give them the respect they deserved, ha, because if I learned anything it's that trees do not move, for anyone.
By the end of day I was feeling my best yet and raced my brother out of the woods on the last trail. Victory was mine!
We headed back to the cabin and watched a few guys do some stunt riding before grilling up our last dinner of the trip. We calculated that in 2 days, we had ridden over 110 miles.
Monday morning, I felt every one of those miles.
I hurt.
It took everything I had to pack up our gear and head home.
Sev and I unloaded the truck, washed our bikes and gear down, did numerous amounts of laundry and then I hit the shower...where I washed off 2 inches of dirt, if not more.
Feeling clean and refreshed, I went to sleep, at 7pm.
I woke up this morning at 7am and I hurt.
My body hurts, but even with the stiffness and the sore muscles I would rather be sitting on the seat of a dirt bike then this seat behind my office desk. It's a crazy sport, but I love it and the only thing I would change would be that there were more female riders...I spent the weekend with 8 guys and if I learned anything, it's that men are nasty, nasty creatures! Ewww.
That is how we spent our labor day weekend.

I really hate it when I do this...

and I do it often.....but sometime I just get in a blog funk.
I just don't feel like I have anything to blog about, worth talking about or the energy to even try.



August flew by! I turned 27 and now, tomorrow, I'll be 27 and one month old!

August was pretty much a blur.

I did birthday things, I planned a wedding shower for Kennedi, I rode my dirt bike, I painted airplanes on one of my favorite little boy's wall, I visited with family and friends and I made cakes!

So...pretty much...I did what I'm always doing and that's running all over the place.



This weekend is my wedding anniversary!! On September the 3rd, this coming Friday, I will have been married to Sevy for 6 years!! That just seems crazy to me, I don't feel like I've been married for six years. For six years I have:
* Fought the battle over the covers.
* Checked the toilet seat before sitting down during a middle of the night bathroom run.
* Fallen asleep to the sound of snoring.
* Washed clothes that I swear could not hold one more ounce of dirt.
* given over the command to the remote control.
* spent the majority of my time in the passenger seat of the car instead of behind the wheel.

and really, I don't mind any of those things. It's the price you pay for living with your best friend.

"Awwwwwwww"

No really, Sev drives me crazy and it's no secret he can make me madder than a hornet...but when it comes right down to it, he's pretty much the one person, that I know, I can count on to pick me up when I feel down in the dumps and make me laugh harder than anyone I know. He is also one of the most patient men I know...and if you know me (at all) then you know I NEED someone with a lot of patience.

Six years ago...TODAY....actually, Sev took me to Fence (a little equestrian farm in NC) and we ate Ben and Jerry's ice cream, straight from the carton, on top of a little hill, over looking miles of trees and meadows. I picked Gerry Garcia Cherry flavor and didn't like the whole cherries that much, so instead I would suck the ice cream off of the cherries and when Sev wasn't looking I would dump the cherries into his carton.
Sweet of me, I know! ( I told you any man of mine would need patience!...not to sound like Shania Twain or anything)
In the middle of sucking ice cream off of cherry chunks and sneaking them into Sev's ice cream, Sev kindly informed me that I had a bug on my shirt and I should stand up to brush it off.........yep, that's the man I married!........basically, he wanted me to stand so that he could be on one knee when he asked me to marry him....and THAT was the best idea he could come up with. I'm happy to inform you that his creativity has not changed, one bit, over the past six years.

Tomorrow night, Sev has informed me that we have plans...he just won't tell me what the plans are. That's okay, if I know Sev we will end up doing exactly what I least expected us to do....and that is what makes our marriage so much fun.

!!HAPPY 6th ANNIVERSARY SEVERYN!!